Ramblings from the Ranch

My Moment

2011-04-19T20:25:00.000-05:00

Everyone has one of those moments. A moment that defines your life: “Before Mom died…”; “After I found out I had cancer…”; Before the house fire…”. It is a moment that splits your life in two. Before…and after.

My moment…I was a Christian, 22 years old, single, almost finished with college, and 5 ½ months pregnant. My on-again, off-again boyfriend had just left for what I knew would be the last time. It was over. I sat on my parents’ couch in the quickly-fading evening light and cried out to God. It wasn’t a “help me, Lord” prayer. It was “I DON’T WANT TO DO IT THIS WAY!!! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THIS WITHOUT HIM? YOU COULD CHANGE THINGS IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO!” Even now, I can hear my hoarse, tear-soaked voice screaming in an empty house. I was a Christian. I had gone before my church and asked forgiveness of my sins (notice I did not say repented because that implies a turning away from sin). I had asked God to make that relationship work. And there I sat. Alone. Angry. Completely unable to turn the tide of what my life was now.

The next couple of months were excruciating. Sometimes it took all my strength just to get up in the morning. I learned what true repentance was. I read about David and could almost hear him as he cried:

“Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
   Scrub away my guilt,
      soak out my sins in your laundry.
   I know how bad I've been;
      my sins are staring me down.
You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
      it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
   You have all the facts before you;
      whatever you decide about me is fair.
   I've been out of step with you for a long time,
      in the wrong since before I was born.
   What you're after is truth from the inside out.
      Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.” Psalm 51: 1-6 (The Message translation)

I learned was it was like to be totally dependent on God just to put one foot in front of the other. I would leave my room ready to face the day, only to end up back face down on my bed in a puddle of tears half an hour later. Slowly, I began to feel alive again. When Caleb was born in March, just shy of 4 months since my world changed, I glimpsed a pure picture of true grace and sweet mercy. Here was this beautiful, perfect being given to me…ME?! I, who deserved death, who deserved punishment, guilty of turning my back on God, rightfully accused by my very own hand; God was placing into my arms this precious gift? It is the single most humbling, undeserving moment I have ever experienced. It was truly unmerited favor from the Creator of the universe

Don’t get me wrong. It was not all peaches and cream. I was a single parent with a full time job. I was up every night with ear infections, 3am feedings, catching up on chores not done during the day. But looking back, I see God carrying me every step. He gave me wonderful parents and sweet siblings who bent over backwards to help. He gave me a devoted grandmother who asked if she could be an honorary grandmother (instead of a great-grandmother) in place of the one who was missing in Caleb’s life. He gave me a loving aunt and uncle who thought the world revolved around Caleb from the moment they saw him. I had extended family, friends, church family. With all of these blessings, I finished college and provided for Caleb everything he needed and so much more. I was able to counsel several unwed, pregnant young women in my job as an OB-GYN office manager. I could look them straight in the eye and tell them that they could do it, that I knew what they were going through. And I could tell them about the One who had carried me.

Fast forward 4 years as I repeated wedding vows to one of my best friends in the world. Caleb had a dad. I had a Christian husband. I had a new stepson. A year and half later, I would have a new baby daughter. My cup truly runneth over. So why did God save me? Why did he bless me as He did? Why didn’t He work things out the way I had planned? Why didn’t He crush me with His righteous anger as I deserved? Simple, yet so very complex. So He would be glorified. A song by Jeremy Camp says, “We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome.” (“Overcome”, 2010). Only by the blood of the Lamb, that allowed me to have this testimony, am I able to sit here victorious. I didn’t get to this point in my life by pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I didn’t pick myself up, dust myself off, grit my teeth, or any other inspiring phrase you care to insert. I fell. I crawled. I begged for mercy. And my Lord gave it.

No matter where you are in your life, by your own hand or by circumstances around you, God is bigger than your situation. God will be glorified. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”

Yes, we are still here.

2008-05-17T00:05:00.002-05:00

I am beginning to see a pattern here. I will blog faithfully for a while, then I will seem to drop off the face of the blogger world. As least this time I have a pretty good excuse. We have gone through some pretty big changes over the last two months.

First of all, we have moved. Long story short, the Lord in his wisdom has provided us with more affordable accomodations. When we prayed for God to intervene, we never expected that He would direct us to move. We are very blessed to have only moved a VERY short distance and we are now even closer to family. Isn't God good?

Secondly, new jobs are all around. Dewayne began a new job where he is going to have opportunities he has never had. I have also begun working from home. This was not a decision we took lightly. My call to homeschool is first and foremost for our family. But we have prayed for quite some time that if I was supposed to supplement our income in any way, that the answer would be very clear. What a great blessing this new job has been in this short time! We are wrapping up school for the year, so I should be able to focus on working a little more this summer hopefully to be in a routine that will seamlessly transition into a new school year. The extra income will really help as we work to get some old debt (and newer debt!) paid down. I pray that it will last as long as God sees fit.

Lastly, we are going in fifty gillion directions at once and it is hard to find time to spend time together as a family. The new jobs, new service opportunities, new responsibilties...the list goes on. But I am so incredibly blessed with my wonderful husband and children. Although having a family leaves me exhausted most days, it also leaves me joyful. Most of all, I am grateful for my heavenly Father who gives generously to meet His children's needs.

May God bless and keep you today.

A Day in the Life of a Branch

2008-03-04T06:41:00.003-06:00

Last week was really challenging for me. We are going through some things that caused me to sigh loudly proclaiming, "What's the use?" Without going into great detail, I struggled with financial issues, physical exhaustion, inferiority, discipline issues with the children, feelings of hopeless, lack of direction in my homeschool, a messy and unorganized house, physical ailments, and the inability to get a good night's sleep for the majority of the week. That's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I really struggled with finding time to spend with the Lord.

I was feeling really downtrodden and overwhelmed, trying to put my finger on the source of my discontentment. All of sudden, I realized that I had not made time with the Lord a priority for the last week or so. At this point, I would love to say that I immediately bowed my head and asked God to help me get reconnected with Him. However, being in my current state of mind, I got a little miffed. I mean, shouldn't God allow some "wiggle room"? Why, after only a week or so of not spending daily time with Him, was my life feeling like a downward spiral? Shouldn't He give us at least a couple of weeks, maybe three before allowing us to feel like we had been run over by a truck?

That's when God gently placed a scripture in my heart, even when I was not seeking guidance from His word. I was reminded of when Jesus said, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15: 4-5 NASB) How long can a branch survive when it becomes detached from the tree? It begins dying immediately. Oh, it can stay green for a while. It can put on a good front just lying there all alone. But slowly, subtly it begins to die. The leaves begin to wilt and brown. Eventually they curl and become brittle, detaching themselves from the branch with the slighest breeze. Before long, the branch itself dries completely, good for nothing else but being tossed into the fire.

So it goes with our Christian life. The moment we detach ourselves from the Vine, our spiritual lives begin to die. We can fake it for a while, pretending things are okay and we have all the answers. But eventually, we begin to wilt and become brittle. Given enough time, our spiritual life can become so dry it is consumed by the trials of this world. Unlike the branches of the vine, we have the ability to reconnect ourselves to the source of our strength. We have the potential to begin thriving again in the life-giving relationship we have with our Creator. Let me encourage you today to stay connected to the Vine through the study of God's word and prayer. Even one day separated from our tree of Life is too long.

Interview with the Author

2008-02-26T15:09:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been reading a book or magazine article and wished you could talk with the author? You think you know what the intended message is, but you would love to ask them just to be sure. I can think of a few authors I would love to chat with just to glean from their knowledge a little deeper. Or in my case, as a homeschool mom, I would love to have the author explain the concept just a little more.

This happened to me recently as Caleb was completing his Latin lesson. He has the DVD’s so I confess that I have not been standing in front of him every week learning along with him. He is making good grades on the quizzes and tests, so I have allowed him to take that subject and run. After all, this is his second year. This arrangement works great until he has a question. When he asked me about derivatives and declensions, I was a little confused. Now, I did figure it out eventually, but it took a little while. During the searching and reading, I thought about how nice it would be if the author of this little course were standing here in front of me to guide me along. But that never happens. We are left to take the written word and interpret to the best of our ability.

How blessed we are not to have that burden when it comes to our Jesus! He is the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). This means that He helped to write the plan of our salvation as one of the Godhead trinity. And he perfected it by coming to earth as a man and living a sinless and holy life unto God. He wrote the book, lived the book, and now, through his Holy Spirit, teaches the book. We do not have to wonder. We do not have to fret. We can talk with the author and we can do it anytime we need! What a privilege to have the hand that penned the Holy Bible wipe away our tears and lead us in the way we should go. Glory to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit from whom all blessings flow!

Busy, Busy, Busy

2008-02-21T07:24:00.002-06:00

We have been crazy busy the last couple of weeks. Have you ever had those really busy times? For those of you who do not know, Dewayne's mom had a car accident early last week. She escaped with no life threatening injuries, but has a broken ankle that will require surgery next week. Their van was totaled, so that has left them with no car and no way to drive even if they had a car (because of the broken ankle). This has been quite an adjustment for a mom who is usually on the go constantly. It has also been an adjustment for Dewayne and I because we have assumed the errands and transportation for his parents. I am sincerely grateful for the opportunity to serve because I think it has brought us closer to his parents just in the last week and a half. But because we are on the road a lot (not just with that, but with our regular stuff, too), it is hard to find time to get everything done around here. We are slowly developing a routine, but that takes time for me to reroute my brain synapses to do things differently.

Between schooling, cooking, cleaning, running here and there, activities, and a few more social engagements than normal, I sit down at night and wonder where the day went. There are a few things that cannot be changed no matter how busy I get. I am thankful to say that over the past six months to a year I have developed a morning Bible study habit that leaves a void if I miss it. I have tried to develop that habit for years, but to no avail. Then, all of a sudden, I decided to pray about it. Duh! What an awesome God we have to not just give us commands, but also the priviledge to ask His help when we are trying to follow them. He has placed a desire in my heart for His word and when I miss that time with Him, I feel it! I am not naive enough to believe that I could NEVER fall into the habit of no quiet time ever again, but I have learned so much about "dying daily" (as Paul said) to self. I constantly put my Bible study time before the Lord, asking Him to protect it and help me to put it first in my day. I cannot do it alone in my own power.

In addition to my time with the Lord, there are a few more things that I try to find time for everyday, no matter how busy I get:

Kissing my husband
Hugging my kids
Having a Dr. Pepper (it was hard not to put this one at the top of the list)
Watching at least one Andy Griffith Show(see why...click)
Checking my email (most days, anyway)

Notice that any form of cleaning and/or chores made it to my list. This could be why my house is in a state of disarry as I type. SIGH! I guess I need to get off here and make in dent in the laundry or the dishes. Now which one is in a more desperate state? Too close to call...

Have a great day!

Leave it to Beaver

2008-02-17T22:10:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning we were all getting ready for a day of errands when I looked outside to see some poor animal lying near the road. We live on a major highway, so we learn to watch our pets and make sure they do not play close to the traffic. But this animal looked different. It didn't look like a dog or cat, so Dewayne went to investigate. Lo and behold, it was a beaver! This was surprising because I did not know that we had beavers around here. Anyway, it was lying in peaceful eternal rest with no major visible traumatic injuries. The kids saw it and asked what it was, so we told them. As we were pulling out of the drive, Hannah lamented, "Poor beaver!"

Well, this afternoon we were in the van again heading to my mom and dad's for a few minutes to visit. Out of nowhere, Hannah yells, "Mama, the beaver is gone!" We looked and sure enough, no beaver. Now where would a medium sized beaver disappear to? Hannah knew the answer right off the bat. She proclaimed, "JESUS HEALED HIM! HE'S ALIVE!!"

Anyone ever found scripture where Jesus healed the sick, the lame, and the roadkill? Me either!

My Young Men, part Two

2008-02-11T06:50:00.000-06:00

So here is the continued story from Wednesday night...if you did not read part one, click here.

After Caleb left the Worship rotation, Garth's group was next to come in. This group of 2nd and 3rd graders seemed to be more subdued than ever before. They had just come from the Wiggle rotation (fun and games) and they were tired and sweaty. I elected to have them sit down for a few minutes and listen to a couple of new songs while they rested up.

~pause~

These songs are really catchy and they have movements built into them that we can watch on the dvd. Last term , the songs and routines we learned were put into a musical that the kids performed for their friends and family. We are working toward the same goal this term, so the kids really enjoy learning the routine.

~play~

We listened to two songs and I asked the kids if they were ready to get up and begin our routine. They asked to rest for one more song (they were REALLY run hard during the the Wiggle time!). I pushed play on the only song that was repeated from last year. It is a fast paced song that allows a lot of "free" dancing. That is, there is no "set" routine, just a lot of dancing as you feel. The kids LOVED that song last year and I was really glad it was included again this time.

~pause~

I must interject here the sad reality that neither of my guys necessarily have the gene that allows them to have natural ability to dance. There are those people who seem to have the "rhythm" so to speak and look good simply by keeping the beat with a song. My guys are not like that. They have a lot of heart, but the God-given ability to groove was not one of their blessings.

~play~

I saw Garth's face when the first strains of the song began to play. He said, "This is one of my favorites!". He glaced around him, sure that other kids would love this song so much, they would leap to their feet and let the dance moves fly. When they didn't, he could hardly contain himself. Something in his brain was telling him that if no one else got up to dance, he really shouldn't either. Everyone else was sitting and he should follow suit. What else could he do, right?

~pause~

Garth's love for these songs go much deeper than just loving the beat. This particular song talks about getting the Bible into every aspect of your life. It says "I'm getting into the Bible...and the Bible...is getting into me!" Garth identifies with this song because he loves getting into the Bible. He has begun to read so much better this year that he is reading daily devotionals on his own. He comes to me with big words, but he likes to try and get into the Bible himself. So not only the beat of this song was calling to him, but the words he loved were beckoning, too.

~play~

I saw the determination on Garth's face as he stood up and began to dance with the song. He did not care that no one stood with him. He wasn't concerned that everyone looked at him a little funny. Kids can be cruel sometimes and he knows that. But he risked people laughing at him because he had to dance with the song. Garth just made a profession of faith in the last few months and I like to think that his need to dance was part of the way he was worshipping his newly found Savior.

~pause~

Going against the grain. Making waves. Call it what you will, but as Christians, we are sometimes called upon to be different. There is no more unforgiving scenario than the kid world of being different. We are fortunate enough to have such a good group of kids at our church that no one laughed when Garth danced. No one made comments or pointed. Life is not always like that. We can be ridiculed or ostrisized because of our stand. A lot of times, by the ones who are closest to us. But we are called to be IN this world but not OF this world. We must move when the Spirit prompts us. How blessed I was to see this in my 9 year old! It was truly a great Wednesday night!

Happy Birthday, Grammy!

2008-02-09T15:48:00.000-06:00

My mom's birthday is today. Last night, we had her and my dad over for a grill out and (of course!) birthday cake. The kids really wanted to make her cake on their own, so we set out yesterday morning to do just that. We had lessons in washing hands, measuring ingredients, and being safe in the kitchen (a hand mixer can be a deadly weapon). I was supposed to take pictures, but with three kids, cake batter, and various kitchen utensils (did I mention a hand mixer?) the camera simply did not make it into the equation. I did, however, get a great picture of the kids with Grammy & Pop and another one of the baked masterpiece up close. We may be opening a cake baking shop next week...

We had such a nice time! It was great to be able to celebrate such a special day with my mom. What a wonderful role model for me to attempt to pattern my motherhood after! If my children only think half as highly of me as I do my mother, I will be honored. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you!

My Young Men, part One

2008-02-08T08:16:00.000-06:00

Every now and then I am privileged to glimpse the character developing in my boys. If I am really blessed, I get to see that in both of them at the same time. This happened to me on Wednesday night at church. Dewayne and I help in the Wednesday night kids activities. I am in charge of the Worship time where we sing and dance and generally worship God with our whole selves.

~pause~

Lest you think I have a hidden talent for singing and dancing I want to reassure you that the only requirements for this job is an ability to push play on the dvd player and the habit of breathing on a fairly regular basis.

~play~

So Wednesday my guys were in two different rotations (we rotate between Worship, Word (Bible study) and Wiggle (fun and games)). Caleb came to me first and we began the worship songs with the group like normal. He was really getting into a song that has a pretty difficult routine (with a spin and everything!) when, all of a sudden, he spun and lost his balance. He tried to recover, but he could not before he slammed into the wall. Since he was in the front of the room, all eyes were on him.

~pause~

Remember being at the age when everything seemed so much worse than it was when you had an audience watching? Now imagine actually doing something that warrented a laugh from those watching. You are already painfully embarassed and the potential laughter can cause you to do react in several different ways. I really didn't know how he was going to react.

~play~

All eyes were on Caleb in the few seconds following his collision with the wall. These seconds seemed like an eternity as I waited for the tears or angry reaction to come. Caleb looked at everyone, laughed a deep hearty laugh, and said, "Well, that hurt!" Everyone laughed along with him, and the moment passed. It took me a minute to realize that it was over. At the same time, I realized a mark of maturity in my oldest...the ability to laugh at himself.

~pause~

We all do things (some of us on a daily basis) that require us to be able to laugh at ourselves. When we are able to not take ourselves so seriously, the small stuff stays small and our perspective stays clear. What a blessing for me to be able to see that glimpse in Caleb!

I was also fortunate to have a glimpse into my youngest son's developing personality...but that will be Part Two. Stay tuned!

Hell hath no fury like a toddler scorned

2008-02-04T22:59:00.000-06:00

I get in these moods sometimes where I have had enough. Enough whining, enough arguing, enough hearing the word "Mom!" What I did not know, however, was that even little ones get that way.

My precious three year old, Hannah, helps me sometimes with the laundry. She will push the clothes into the dryer for me and close the door. Or she will help to transfer the dry clothes to a basket. Of course, it takes longer this way, but she really enjoys helping and usually I don't mind. This morning, however, was hectic beyond belief. I had a huge pile of laundry to get through, not to mention the million dishes stacked all over the counter. And that was BEFORE school. Needless to say when she "helped" me by taking the WET clothes OUT of the dryer and piling them on the floor, I was not happy at all! I will admit I spoke to her rather sharply and that brought a flood of tears. I really felt bad about it, but my pride held onto my indignation as she walked away from me. It was my plan to go to her after I started the dryer and talk to her after I cooled off. I never got the chance.

I looked up from my clothes and stared down the barrel of a large Nerf bazooka. This little girl, this beautiful princess, had my head in the crosshairs as she peered through the scope. There was a coolness, a calculating callousness that I had never seen before. Apparently, this was not the day to make her angry. As I straightened up and moved to the right, the barrel stayed trained right on me. I have rarely seen such concentration and I would be willing to bet that it would even rival the military's top marksmen. Girl was on a mission and was not letting anything distract her.

Lucky for me, she can't resist a giggle when she hears a giggle, so that was all I had to do to break her concentration. As I snickered at the sight before me, a smile slowly broke on her face and the bazooka lowered. I have to admit that I breathed a sigh of relief at the fact that three year old princesses cannot legally own firearms.

Everything I know, I learned from Andy Griffith

2008-02-03T14:52:00.000-06:00

So here is a fun blog for me. I have been faithfully watching The Andy Griffith Show for about 18 years. I began watching it after a breakup from the guy I thought I was going to marry. Of course, I knew this at the ripe age of 14. I was mourning the loss of the relationship and looking for anything to do that didn't even remotely remind me of "him"! I missed him most during the time of night when we would talk on the phone about our future together and how "in love" we were. It was during this time that a local TV station was running two episodes, back to back, of The Andy Griffith Show.

I began to watch this show with half hearted interest and found myself enjoying more and more the homespun comedy presented each night. I laughed as Barney flubbed up one thing after another and learned as Andy taught Opie lessons on life. Pretty soon, I was looking forward to the shows every day. It gave me a way to immerse myself in another world after a day of public school (as the fat kid, no less!).

Years later, I visited the small town that Mayberry was loosely based on: Mt. Airy, NC. Since I was the single mother of a small child at the time, I felt a special kinship with the character of Andy Griffith as I walked the streets where the real Andy Griffith used to walk. I have taught 2 AG Bible studies, I have miniture buildings from the town, and almost all the episodes on either VHS or DVD. I have a AG Trivia Game that I love to play, but can't find anyone around here who wants to. I have pictures, books, and postcard memoribilia. So here are a few things I have learned over the years:

1. A bullet left in your gun belt for a long period of time will turn green.

2. Never leave the keys across the room when you are in a jail cell...they could be invaluable if the cell door gets accidentally locked.

3. Anything can be fixed with fried chicken or a paper sack full of homemade sandwiches.

4. Fishing can take an hour or it can take all day.

5. There is always time for friends.

6. Simplicity is better.

7. Eating dinner together should be the norm.

8. A town can survive without a McDonalds or a Walmart.

9. Teachable moments can occur in everyday situations.

10. Family doesn't have to be mom, dad, and 2.5 children - it can be a dad, a son, and an aunt; or a family made up of mine, his, and ours (like mine!).

Of course, The Andy Griffith Show is not the most important thing ever, but it has been a blessing to me. I still love to watch it every evening, if I can!

A New Perspective on Being Sick...

2008-02-01T12:23:00.001-06:00

My three-year old has a yucky cold. She has that cough and stuffy nose that just makes you feel bad. She was sitting on the couch yesterday looking pretty dejected. I asked her what was wrong. She said, "My laugh and cry is gone!"

Thinking there has to be a perfectly good explanation for this, I asked her to show me how she knew her laugh and cry were gone. She took a deep breath and proceeded to try and laugh. Next thing I know, there was a hoarse and husky, well, sound. It didn't resemble a laugh so much as it reminded me of a forty-year smoker hacking up a lung. I did not ask her to prove that her cry was also gone, for fear of hearing that awful noise again. I took her word on that one.

Poor baby! She tearfully said, "See! I told you my laugh and cry was gone!" Well, I would be upset, too, if my laugh and cry were gone.

Painting the Watertower

2008-02-01T11:19:00.000-06:00

I live in a small town. I have lived here all my life. I have watched this small town grow and change over the years in ways I never thought it would. I mean, we have a WAL-MART, for goodness sake. But living in a small town means everyone knew everyone growing up. And everyone knew what was going on. However, as our town has grown, it gets harder and harder to "keep up" with everything.

Driving home one day last week, I noticed that two guys were on a scaffold painting one of our city's water towers. Since I was sitting at a red light, I had some time to ponder. When do you know a water tower needs painting? They were only halfway done and for a minute, I could not tell which was the new color and which was the old color. It wasn't like the paint job on the tower was so badly degraded that it even warranted a new coat. Honestly, I wondered aloud to my husband about the merits of spending money on all that new paint and the salary for two people to spend several days painting that tower when it didn't really need it. You see, that's what you do in a small town. You form opinions about decisions the city council makes and wonder how it would be different if "John Smith" (insert any local citizen's name) were running things. HE sure wouldn't have spent all that money on painting the water tower. HE would have realized that painting the outside of the water tower was a waste of taxpayers' resources. Being on the downward slope of a pretty severe drought in our region, "John Smith" would have realized that changing the color on the outside of the tower would do NOTHING to change the deficient water level on the INSIDE of the tower.

Then it hit me. Ironically enough, this water tower was next door to my church and the parallel to the painted water tower was so clear. That is what we do with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We go to church on Sunday after getting all painted and pretty on the outside. We lift our hands in praise and put an arm around one another in fellowship. All the while, inside, we are drying up spiritually. We answer "I'm good. How about you?" when asked how things are going. I wonder how many people would answer, "Things are pretty rotten right now and I need your prayer" if they felt completely safe to say that. How many times do we sit through a service wishing that God would speak to us and wishing we would hear a song we like when what we are really there to do it worship Him?

How would things change in our fellowships if we went to church on Sundays wondering how many different ways we could pay honor to our Lord? What if we went challenging ourselves to pray a quick prayer for every person we hugged? What would really happen if we asked someone how they are REALLY doing and take the time to listen to what is going on in their life? I'll tell you what would happen! We would have CHURCH!

I am blessed enough to attend a fellowship that takes seriously the teaching of God's word and encouraging true fellowship between members. And let me tell you, it makes such a difference in my Christian walk. I feel my cup overflowing every time I enter that place. Praise God!

As far as the water tower goes, there may have been a legitimate reason for needing to paint it. I am not a water tower expert. I do know this: one reason it was painted was to shift my brain in gear and renew my resolve to take an interest in the people and purpose of my church. Through true fellowship and the solid teaching of God's word, we can truly worship our Lord!

Mike Who?

2008-01-23T00:18:00.000-06:00

In the trenches of homeschooling, there are those times that make you laugh absurdly. Most of the time, when you tell someone else, they give a polite "Ha, ha..." and look at you wondering what you were drinking at the time that made the situation so funny. I hope that I can relay my absurdly funny story from yesterday in way that you will find funny...

We were beginning a study on the election process. This study will continue sporadically through the year as different events occur during this election process. But you have to start somewhere, right? So I logged on to the trusty computer and found a website that I felt explained the election process in a kid friendly way. Even with the simplicity, the explanation of the National Convention, the Electoral College, popular vote, etc. was somewhat dry. I tried to make it as interesting as possible, but this is a subject that a majority of adults are not even clear on. The boys (4th grade and 3rd grade) were really listening and I thought they were following pretty well. I picked a candidate to use to illustrate my point, hoping to make it a little more personal. So, I picked Mike Huckabee. That way when I explained that if Huckabee won the popular vote in Texas, all of that state's electoral college votes went to him, it would seem a little easier when they were able to relate to a person instead of "The Candidate".

Or so I thought it would be easier...

I was almost to the end of my explanation, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, when my 3rd grader had a confusing thought (I knew this because I saw the confusion written all over his face.) He was trying to process...he was trying to make it all work in his mind...and, finally, a hand went up in the air. I thought this was GREAT because it meant he was thinking. He needed clarification on something, but it WAS processing. With the seriousness of a news anchor investigating the most important story of his life, my child says, "Is Mike Huckabee a person?"

Back to square one...

The Computer Triangle

2008-01-22T23:08:00.000-06:00

Do you ever feel that you get lost in The Computer Triangle? You are innocently flying along in cyberspace and all of a sudden you get sucked into a black hole of unknowns where there seems to be liitle hope of ever seeing daylight again.

Three days ago, my computer suddenly stopped accessing the internet. Since the internet is a huge part of why I even spend time on the computer, I was sufficiently bummed out. Since I have recently tiptoed into the world of wireless internet access, I assumed my network card was not working properly. Borrowing my hubby's laptop, I searched on the Net (shows you how dependent I am on that) how to test my wireless adapter and/or router so I could quickly and efficiently fix the problem.

Three days later...

My computer sat on the table this morning, taunting me. I could hear it laughing maniacally as it still held my poor internet hostage. I felt as if I would never be the same again, having lost the battle with the little black box. I was wounded and bleeding but ready to admit that I was defeated. Then, suddenly, out of the darkness, two little words came through the sadness of defeat..."system restore"...it echoed in my brain and jarred me into having a coherent thought. Yes! System restore! It is one of those features on the computers that allow you to restore programs back to a certain point without losing your documents and such.

Could it work? Could this be the answer? My mind raced as one rational thought seemed to flow into another..."It was working fine last week."..."Something had to have altered the process in some way during the last few days."..."I maybe could restore the computer to the way it was a week ago, before the probelms began."

With bated breath and a dry mouth, my fingers flew across the mouse pad, giving the command to system restore. I felt powerful, I felt hopeful, I felt terrified that this was not going to work.

The process completed, I rebooted, and....here is the increasing suspense...IT WORKED!

As my home page leapt into view on the screen, I felt as if I had done my part in the Human vs. Computers War. This collection of boards, drives, and pixels had not won. It had put up a good fight and had caused me to doubt my sanity, but in the end it is ON THE INTERNET because IT DID NOT WIN!

And now, I sit in my glory as a winner, replaying the moment of victory over and over in my head, basking for the moment because I know that one day, this computer will come at me again. The battle is over but the war is still yet to be completed.

We Cannot Give Satan a Foothold!

2008-01-21T14:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, before church, we learned of some terrible news. A local radio host (he is the nationally syndicated host of The Rick & Bubba Show, Rick Burgess) lost his two year old son, Bronner, in an accidental drowning. Burgess, who is a Christian, has reportedly given God the glory all through this past day and a half of grief. How can a man do that? How can someone lose a child and glorify God in the same moment? How can he say in the seconds following being told of this tragedy, "We cannot give Satan a foothold."? Only through the power of the Holy Spirit that is evident in a Christian's life. "We cannot give Satan a foothold."

Burgess was speaking at a Christian youth conference in Tennessee when he learned of the death of his son. He was doing something right. He was proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ at the time his son left this world. He could have looked at the heavens and asked God, "Why? Why? I was here preaching your Word, I was doing as you command us to do. Why would you take my son?" Instead, he said, "We cannot give Satan a foothold."

I am convicted this morning because while Rick was out preaching the gospel this weekend, I invited the enemy into my home. While Rick proclaimed the glory of God after the loss of his precious child, I allowed the enemy into my mind, exposing him to my children. While Rick was saying, "We cannot give the Satan a foothold.", I was unlocking the front door and inviting him into my living room. How did I do this, you may ask? My specifics are between me and God, but we all do it everyday. Anger, greed, gluttony, lust, envy, hatred, lying, idleness, apathy...you fill in the blank.

I have been humbled this morning. I have been convicted. I have asked forgiveness, but the consequence of my sin is still this yucky, heavy feeling that I am carrying around. My God has forgiven me, because His word says He will, but I am still saddened that I took a couple of steps back this weekend. I am tired of allowing Satan into my home! I am tired of allowing him to wreck my day, put strife between myself and my husband, distract me from those things which are so very important in my life!

God is soverign. He is in complete control. He was not caught by surprise by the death of Rick's baby boy. He allowed it to happen for His glory. Countless young people were touched at the conference where Rick had been teaching (including 300+ salvations!). Thousands upon thousands of people who tuned into The Rick and Bubba Show this morning heard the name of God being glorified. God has allowed and will allow good to emerge from this bad (Romans 8:28).

May I learn from the example of this man who has placed himself and his family into the hand of God. May I cherish this new day He has given me and not invite the enemy into my home. May I put live the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it." May I not give Satan a foothold!

Okay, I AM still living

2008-01-20T22:09:00.000-06:00

I am still here! I have not posted a blog in FOREVER because I just haven't had the drive. I know that people go through writer's block for a period of time, but I have just been blocked for what seems like forever. I haven't been idle in my life, I just have had no drive to post.

Just to catch you up a little, we are in the second semester of our school year. Caleb is in the 4th grade and Garth is in the 3rd. I am attempting to teach Hannah some preschool stuff and she has already learned how to recognize and spell her name. We have had ups and downs this year, but mostly ups. Garth has caught up with his 3rd grade peers in Language Arts. This is an amazing feat since he started a whole year behind 2 1/2 years ago. He has worked really hard and I am very proud of him. His strongest subject is still math where he is a little ahead of where he is supposed to be in a challenging curriculum. Garth has continued to develop a love for reading as his skills continue to improve. He enjoys picking out books from the library in subjects that interest him. He is also a wonderful big brother as he tries out his developing reading skills by reading books to his little sister. She loves the attention and he works on his reading. What a great combination!

Caleb continues to amaze me in the subjects he still understands. He is in his second year of Latin and watches a DVD course. He is self driven in this subject. I am not sure I could even help him if he had a problem because I have not been following the lessons like I should (oops!). He aces all the quizzes and tests that came with the course, so I am content to let him work through this one on his own right now. In Math, he is going to complete the sixth grade Saxon course before school lets out and I am contemplating where to go from here with him. If I go like I think I am going to, he will begin earning high school credit in the sixth grade for math. Whew! He still is an avid reader completing a couple of books per week for pleasure reading in addition to his Abeka readers and assigned book (right now that is Robin Hood).

Hannah is, well, Hannah. She is wonderful at taking care of herself while we are doing school. She will play in her kitchen or watch Dora or play a computer game. Sometimes, she will "do school" with us and color her pictures while we do math or language. She is so smart and picks up new concepts really well.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. And I am excited to be back in blogger world for a while...at least until the next writer's block jumps up.

Summer Blogging

2007-07-14T19:55:00.000-05:00

I have just spent a while looking at other people's blogs and reading such great stuff! I am always amazed at the funny and insightful things you come across when floating around in blogland. The only drawback about reading so many wonderful writings is that it really puts the pressure on!

This summer has been pretty tame. Garth has been visiting his mom and grandma, Caleb went on a trip for a week and half, and Hannah has been in Mother's Day Out for the first time. I have actually had some alone time. On one day, I went to the local thrift store, had a quiet lunch (where I actually read a book!), then went to the library where I did not step foot in the children's section! The radio in the car stayed on the classical station and I did not have to referee any arguments at all.

All in all, the summer has been great. But my mundane summer has one problem...it doesn't leave ANY material for blogging! Oh well, I have a feeling things will get interesting once school begins again.

Perilous Panic

2007-07-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

Maybe the problem was that I stayed up too late. I am usually in bed at least by 11:00 or so, even on the weekends. Friday night, I was not really sleepy. I worked on my cross stitching a while, and watched a show that was not that interesting. Then, about midnight, I was almost ready to call it a night just because decent people are usually already asleep by now. While I was putting away my sewing, another show began that caught my eye. It was about the science behind a super comet impacting the earth and the devastating aftermath. Another one of those shows, I thought, where they pummel you with statistics and predictions until you are so confused that you run into the yard screaming, praying that a super comet would put you out of your misery. This show, however, was very different.

It was a docudrama that followed people from four different points in the world in the weeks before and after a super comet collides with earth. The failed attempt of the space programs to explode the comet with a nuclear warhead is really what hooked me. I think we all live with the assurance that even in the face of major disaster, those people “in charge” will come up with a solution that will allow us all to continue our lives with a sense of normalcy. During the aftermath of 9/11, we were all glued to our televisions watching our country pull together. Disaster relief teams, human goodwill, government authority restoring order; these were the evidences that someone, somewhere was in charge and calling the shots. How would you feel if there was no clear authority on the subject? No one with an idea, no one with a plan, no one with the assurance to tell you that the future was going to be better…this is where our docudrama characters were when the last hope failed. The comet was not deterred by the best plans of men and they were all left waiting for the impact and the uncertain aftermath.

The aftermath was devastating. Of course, the immediate loss of life from the impact was overwhelming. But for those who survived, it was the ensuing circumstances that were surreal. All communications were fried from the electromagnetic wave that encircled the earth. Shock waves leveled cities and massive tidal waves obliterated coastlines for hundreds of miles inland. The impact disrupted the climate of the entire world. Depending on where they were located on the planet, survivors faced temperatures from 50 below zero to 200 degrees. Fire rained down from the skies as debris from the comet impact re-entered the earth’s atmosphere. All social and lawful infrastructures broke down as people moved underground to survive. Life resembled nothing that our main characters had ever seen before.

When I watch anything gripping, it is easy for me to put myself in the place of the characters. I must tell you that sitting alone in my living room in the wee hours of the morning, I was gripped with fear. It was a physical fear that caused my heart to lodge in my throat. There was even a sense of panic as the events unfolded in front of me. It was almost irrational. On one level, I knew that I was watching a television show. On the other hand, the drama part of this show was interlaced with interviews from scientists confirming that this sort impact had happened before, causing the extinction of the dinosaurs and the Ice Age. They said it was inevitable that it would happen again…it was just a matter of when. And they are the authorities, right?

As I sat there in the moments following the drama, I struggled with my inner turmoil. Things seem so much worse in the middle of the night and I was wondering if I should go ahead and start stockpiling my underground secret shelter. My problem, I eventually surmised, was the power I was attributing to the unknown future. A lot of our battles are waged in the recesses of our own minds. We give something power by focusing our time and attention on it. What we don’t realize is that as we give something power in our mind, we turn away from the power of the Lord. God is all powerful and we only have to turn toward it and bask in its glory to see it. David knew this power and mentioned it all through the Psalms. He admonished us to focus on this perfect power. In Psalm 66: 3-4 he says, “Say to God, ‘How awesome are your deeds! So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you. All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing praise to your name.’ ” Now that is powerful! Our God is powerful! Does that mean natural disasters will never occur? No, but know that our God is still in control even when the world around us does not make sense or it makes so much sense it scares us silly.

And what of our docudrama characters? Well, most of them made it, resilient and hopeful for the future. Their lives had forever changed, never to return to the sense of normalcy they once knew. I am so thankful that our future is not resting in the hands of our leaders to save us, for they are men just like us and capable of making mistakes no matter how good the data seems to be. I am thankful that our future, even though unknown to us, is safe and secure in the hands of our God. No matter what awaits us, whether it be small personal tragedy or a catastrophic meteor hurtling toward Earth, we know that God is in control and he works everything to our good and for his purpose (Romans 8:28).

Convictions in the Light of the Morning

2007-07-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

Today I am burdened by two things in my life. I pray for all areas, but there are two that are constantly before me: our finances and my desire to be a good mom. Financially, we are on that perpetual roller coaster of plenty and scarce. One day, we are doing well and seem to have more than enough. The next day, we have creditors calling us again and wonder where all the money went. We try desperately to be good stewards of what God has given to us. We tithe and we try to put the remaining money to good use. That is not to say that we have not made some bad financial decisions. Sometimes we “nickel and dime” ourselves to death. In other words, we spend ten dollars here and twenty dollars there so it doesn’t seem like a whole lot, but in reality, it adds up quickly. I wish we could get this financial thing down pat! I feel foolish going to the Lord AGAIN to ask for his hand in our finances. Then I realize that I should have never taken the finances from His hand. Is that what we are doing? When things are good, do we still consult Him with what to do with each dime? Do we seek His counsel even though there is no “problem”? I think that is our downfall. We pray and the Lord helps us to get out of financial bind. We begin to do well again and we forget to pray and ask the Lord where he wants the funds to go. We get this haughty attitude that after we have given God His share, we can delegate the rest as we see fit. Let me tell you, this realization is coming to me as I type these very words and it is not a nice feeling! 1 Corinthians 10:31 says that we are to glorify God in everything we do, whether we are eating or drinking or WHATEVER. I don’t think we have been glorifying God with our plenty. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul tells them that through Christ and Christ only, he can survive when he has nothing and he can survive when he has plenty (Philippians 4:12-13). Why would he need Christ’s help in the times when he was content? Because having enough is just as dangerous as not having anything. We get complacent and apathetic toward our relationship with God because we just don’t see how we “need” Him. Oh, that I could wake everyday in desperate need of my God even when things are going great! I wish that my walk could be consistent and my need for Him be ever present regardless of my circumstances. It is going to be my prayer that I can say, every morning (regardless of the good and/or bad around me), “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.” (Psalm 42:1)

The other burden I have this morning is in regard to my children. I am not a negligent mom. I take care of my children. But there are so many aspects to raising kids that when you get one area settled, there are three more to take its place. And even if you happen to get one child content and going the right way, there is always another one with a problem to correct. Isn’t there a time when everyone is doing great and traveling the right path? Parenthood is full of joy and contentment, but it is also littered with guilt and feelings of inadequacy. Caleb is my oldest and I see him as my “pioneer”. He and I are traveling a road that neither of us has been down before. He has hit this “preteen” age. He has never been 9 before and I have never been the parent of a 9 year old before. So we are gingerly making our way down this path. There are times when he cops an attitude and I want to strangle him. I tell him to do something and he looks at me like I must be talking to the wrong person because surely I WAS NOT talking to him! I am waiting for the day when he rolls his eyes and says “Whatever!” I will need the strength of Samson at that moment, not to tumble columns in the temple, but to sit on my hands to keep from strangling him! In that moment, I am the diligent parent, ever teaching and correcting while I lead my little lambs on the right path. Then the clock ticks and the moment is gone. In the next moment I may be the proud parent as one of my children finally “get” something I have been trying to teach them forever! They may help each other with chores without being asked, or I may overhear a conversation with their friends where they are talking about scripture or doing the right thing. Or they may do something as simple as thank someone for a gift without being prompted or say they are sorry when they hurt someone’s feelings. Those moments are wonderful and I get to take a deep breath and praise God that some of the teaching is sticking in that head.

And then…I have to start a new paragraph for this one…there are those moments when you feel chastised by your child. You are put in your place by a word or look or deed that reminds you that you are wretched sinner in need of a Savior and not a parent who deserves a pat on the back for anything. Such a situation occurred yesterday morning. I was not feeling well and had decided that we were not going to church. I was hurting physically and I was in a really bad mood. I was not in any mood to get dressed and teach little ones (it was our turn) or pretend I was having a great morning to the adults. I just wanted to lay in bed and feel bad. Dewayne didn’t argue with me, which for some reason made me angry, too. He was supposed to lead our household spiritually, right? So he should have put his foot down and made us go to church! The irony in that is that if he had actually done that, the fallout from that explosive confrontation may have been enough to actually disrupt church services in the three adjoining counties. It was a lose-lose situation. As I am laying there watching news, there is a knock at our door. It was Caleb. He had showered and completed all his chores for the morning. He had eaten breakfast and even fixed his sister something. He was dressed and ready to walk out the door to go to church. My eyes slid over to the clock and the time sealed my fate. Even if I had jumped up then to get ready to go, we simply did not have enough time to get ready and be there even remotely on time. I gently explained to Caleb that I did not feel well and we would not be going to church. I cannot explain the look that came on his face. He was genuinely disappointed. That in itself was enough to make me melt into the floor. But then he seemed to shake off the disappointment and said, “That’s okay…I hope you feel better soon, Mom.” Well, I think I would rather he had pitched a fit and called me names for keeping him from going. Instead, he acted like a mature young man and put my feelings above his own desires. And the real kicker was that his desires were RIGHT. That is what we were supposed to have been doing. To be put in your place AND realize that your child is acting more mature than you are all in the same moment is a lot to swallow! I was so proud of him, yet so chastised myself, it was a strange sensation…kind of like sitting in front of a campfire on a really cold night when your front is nice and toasty and your back is freezing. I was warm and toasty from pride, yet cold and freezing from my own conviction.

In a nutshell, the Lord and I are working out the mistakes from this weekend. I have spent time reading my Bible, praying, and journaling this morning struggling to get my mind and heart to the place where it should be. It is not quite there yet, but it is moving in that direction. May God give me perseverance and determination.

A confession....and excitement!

2007-07-09T00:14:00.000-05:00

Less than a month before school starts! My friend, Gayle, and I went to Walmart last night because we needed something to do while the boys played their video game (for those of you who do not know, we are NOT talking about the kids here, we ARE talking about the hubbies!) So I needed some thread for my current cross stitch project and it seemed like as good of an excuse as any to escape and buzz through Starbucks before we dropped by Walmart. While contentedly sipping our lattes, we spied the school supplies, freshly stocked on the shelves. Here is where my confession comes in…I am an office supply junkie. I love pens, pencils, sticky notes, paper clips…whew! I could go on and on. This addiction extends to school supplies, too. I have been known to sniff fresh, new crayons or stand for five minutes debating liquid glue versus glue sticks. When I saw that 24 count Crayola crayons were 20 cents per box, we had to snag a shopping cart! Needless to say, I stocked up on few things and am more excited than ever about school starting.

I have almost all my textbooks and workbooks in. I love getting everything in order. I am currently working on lesson plans and getting the schoolroom in order. It has been kind of the dumping ground this summer. I have my work cut out for me this week! The danger in this is that I tend to neglect other things while I am focusing on the fun stuff. So, the housework and cooking department becomes really tedious and boring. I have to make myself get the day to day chores out of the way first, then I can focus on school planning and organizing.

I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me the opportunity to homeschool. It is never something I ever thought I would be doing. But it is truly the hardest, challenging, most REWARDING thing I have ever done. Praise God for allowing me this chance!